You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
