ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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