i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
