I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My first STD was from a foam party
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
