Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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