I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
