Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
