It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
