I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
