ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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