I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
