It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
