Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize