I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
