This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
