At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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