I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
