Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
