I love black thongs
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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