I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
