): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
