No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
