Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ugly people sure do ruin things
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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