Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
