I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
