I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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