i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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