Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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