Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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