A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
