tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
