If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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