Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
