When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
