Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
this is an emotional support booty call
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize