There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He passed out mid-signature
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
