I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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