What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
