hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
