Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
