I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
