then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
