I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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