I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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