we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
