Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
