mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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