are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
