You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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