My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
