So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
