Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
