You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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