My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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