Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
