Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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