you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
