He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
