I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
