After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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