It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just gift wrapped bread.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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