I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
