the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
