I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no you cant smoke seaweed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
