I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
