Define "chronic" masturbator.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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