I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I look better un-naked...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
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