I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize