OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
