I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
