a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
