sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
