Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.