puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.