the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?