Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices