You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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