she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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