he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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