You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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