there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
