she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
