Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was born a porn star she said
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
