I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
