I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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