You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
