I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize